Uhlanganisa yini igama elithi "umndeni"? Mhlawumbe ngemicabango enjalo njengobudlova, uthando nokuthembela. Kodwa kwenzeka ukuthi impilo yomndeni iletha ubuhlungu nokuhlazeka kuphela. Lokhu kwenza ukushaya komyeni wakhe. Okubi kakhulu ukuthi izimo ezinjalo azivamile, kanti abesifazane bavame ukubekezelela ubudlova basekhaya, ukuthuthukiswa kwezobuciko bokuzenzela nokwenza izindaba ngokugubha umnyango we-jamb esikhundleni sokubalekela indoda engumashiqela. Okwenza lokhu kwenzeke, nokuthi ngabe kufanele sibe nethemba lokuphenduka komuntu, manje sizobe sesikuthola.
Ukuzibulala eMndenini: Izimbangela Nemiphumela
Imvelo yamadoda ihloselwe ukuba ngabavikeli, iqukethe lokho okubizwa okuthiwa ukukhanya kwemvelo, okubangela abameleli bobulili obuqinile ukuba baye emidlalweni, amabutho ahlomile, futhi babuke ezinye izindlela zokusebenzisa amandla abo. Abaningi balabo abakubheka njengento evamile ukushaya abathandekayo babo. Kodwa ukuhlaselwa emndenini akuchazwe ngalesi siko, ungabona isidingo sokuzifakazela ngenye indlela. Pho kungani amadoda eshaya omkawo?
Bonke abantu abajwayele ubudlova emndenini bangahle bahlukaniswe ngokomzimba babe izinhlobo ezimbili. Okwokuqala, ovame kakhulu, lawa angamadoda, lapho ephikisana nomkakhe, eqala ukufakazela umbono wabo ngamahlombe. Kulokhu, indoda ayihloniphi owesifazane njengomuntu, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo incike kuye ngokomqondo.
Uhlobo lwesibili lwabashushisi besilisa aluvamile, kodwa luyingozi kakhulu. Abantu abanjalo akudingeki bathelele ukuhlukumeza, bangahlasela owesifazane, ngenkathi behlala bezolile. Laba bantu abanesifo sengqondo, ngakho-ke bayingozi kakhulu kowesifazane, ngoba bangenza izinhlelo zokuphindiselela ngesihluku ngenxa yesehlukaniso, kuze kuhlanganise nokubulala.
Izizathu zokunciphisa umuntu ongavamile ngokwengqondo ukwenza izenzo ezinobudlova akulula ukuthola, kodwa yini ekhuthaza abesilisa abahlukunyezwayo kohlobo lokuqala kunalokho okuncane. La madoda angabantu abalahlekile abavamile, bazizwa bengenamandla phezu kwanoma yini futhi bazame ukuzizwa, bebetha abafazi babo. Laba bantu bakholelwa ukuthi owesifazane kufanele anikeze induduzo yakhe engokomoya, futhi uma engazizwa ngesizathu esithile, baqala ukushaya abashade nabo.
Ukuhlupheka ubudlova emndenini, abesifazane besengozini hhayi impilo yabo kanye nempilo yabo kuphela, kodwa futhi nekusasa lezingane zabo. Abantu abakhule emindenini enjalo kaningi abanalo impilo yomuntu siqu. Abafana banomuzwa wokuthi banecala lokungakwazi ukuvikela unina noma ukufana noyise. Amantombazane ayesaba ubudlelwane obunzima, becabanga ukuthi wonke amadoda njengabahlukumezi.
Ungamqeda kanjani umyeni wakho ekuhlaselweni?
Ngokuvamile abesifazane abashaywe yindoda baqala ukusola ngokwabo ngesimo. Futhi akuyona into engalungile, kaningi owesifazane onentukuthelo yakhe, isimo sengqondo sokukhathazeka senza kubonakale ukuhlukumezeka emadodeni abanjwe umlutha wobudlova. Kwenzeka ukuthi ukulwa emndenini kuyisisindo esikhulu, ngemva kwalokho umbhangqwana uzizwa ukhanga kakhulu. Kunoma yikuphi, ebuhlotsheni obunjalo owesifazane obhekana nokuthembela kumuntu, njengoba iningi lalaba besifazane abashiya abahlukumezi besilisa, emva kwesikhathi, babuyele kubo. Lokhu kubonakala nemibono yokuthi abesifazane banesithakazelo ekutholeni ukushaywa kwabayeni babo. Banesithakazelo sokuthi bahlukunyeze kanjani amadoda abo ekuhlaselweni, okungukuthi, abesifazane abaqapheli ukuthi abafuni ukuyeka ubudlelwane obunjalo, ngoba kuyaqondakala ukuthi akunakwenzeka ukuba unciphise abantu basebudloveni. Uma umuntu enomkhuba wokushaya umkakhe, ngeke uqedwe. Ukusebenza ekulondolozeni umndeni kunokwenzeka kuphela uma ukuhlaselwa kungenasiphelo, futhi uma yena ngokwakhe eqonda ukuthi unenkinga yokuzithiba futhi ufuna ukuzikhandla. Khona-ke owesifazane kufanele adumise isithunzi somuntu othandekayo, abe lula futhi aqine.
Indlela yokujezisa umyeni ngokushaya?
Ngokuvamile, abesifazane bazama ukuthola izindlela zokujezisa umuntu ngokushaya. Lezi zindlela zifakiwe ekuphenduleni, ungahlangabezana neseluleko sokuthatha i-pan (noma ezinye izitsha zokupheka) bese ubetha abathembekile, ukuze azizwe esesikhumbeni sakhe