Isici esibalulekile kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano ukuthembela nokuhlonipha umuntu ngamunye. Ukungabi khona kwalezi zingxenye kungabangela ukuvela kobudlelwane obulukhuni obusekelwe ebugovu, ukungaboni kahle kanye nobudlova. Kulula ukucacisa umhlukumezi, futhi ukuhlala naye kungaba nzima kakhulu futhi kuyingozi nakakhulu.
U-Abuz - kuyini?
Igama elithi "ukuhlukumeza ubudlelwano" kubonakala esikhathini esilandelayo, ngakho-ke kukhona isizathu sokubuza ukuthi hlobo luni lobuhlobo kanye nomhlukumezi ukuthi ngubani? Igama elithi "abyuz" linomsuka wesiNgisi futhi lihunyushwe ngokuthi "ukwelashwa okunonya", "ubudlova", "ukuhlambalaza". U-Abuzer ngumuntu ohleka isigamu sakhe sesibili, umcindezele, ugxeke noma azinaki izifiso zakhe, ukuhlambalaza, ukuholela ezenzweni ezithile noma ukubonisa ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba kuye.
Ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo, umuntu wesibili uzothatha isisulu esingenalo ilungelo lokuvota futhi ngezikhathi ezithile noma ngendlela ehlelekile yokubhekana nengcindezi yengqondo yomzimba evela kumlingani. Ngenxa yezici zengqondo, isisulu singakwazi ukubekezelela ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo isikhathi eside, okwenza umhlukumezi enze izenzo zobudlova nobudlova.
U-Abuz unemihlobo enjalo:
- ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo noma ukuhlukumezeka ngokuqondile komlingani wepulani yengqondo;
- ukuhlukumeza ngokomzimba - ubudlova emzimbeni kumuntu;
- ukuxhashazwa ngokocansi - ukuphoqeleka komlingani ukuba asondelane ngokomzimba ngaphandle kokufisa izifiso nesimo somzimba;
- ukuhlukunyezwa kwezomnotho - umlingani obeka ngokuthembela ngokuphelele ngokuqapha izinsiza zezimali.
Ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo
Uma sicabangela lokho abyuz engokwengqondo, abacwaningi ngokuyinhloko banaka ukulasha kwengqondo. Isizathu salokhu siseqiniso lokuthi lolu luhlobo oluvame kakhulu lobudlova ebuhlotsheni. Ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo kubonakala ezinsongweni, ukuhlazeka, ukuhlambalaza umuntu . Umngane wakhe uphefumulelwe ukuthi awusizo, awuthandi, uyisiphukuphuku, akakwazi lutho. Lesi simo sengqondo siholela ekunciphiseni ukuzethemba komlingani, ukubonakala komzwelo ocindezelekile nokucindezeleka, ukungathandi ukuxhumana nabanye abantu.
Uthando lwezengqondo abyuz lunezinhlobo ezimbili zokubonakaliswa:
- Vula i-abyuz . I-Abuzer ibonisa isimo sayo sengqondo esibi ngokubhekiselele kwisitatimende sezinto zokuphila ngokuvuleka phambi kwabanye abantu. Ungakwazi nakancane ukumemezela ukuthi umlingani wakhe uyisiphukuphuku futhi awunamsebenzi, unezimfanelo ezingalungile zobuntu nezenzo ezimbi.
- Abyuz efihliwe . U-Abuzer unomusa kakhulu kumlingani wakhe emphakathini, kodwa uchitha phansi ngasese. Uhlale etshela umlingani wakhe, ubonisa ukunganeliseki ngokuziphatha kwakhe, ubonisa ukungaphumeleli, ukhuluma amazwi ahlambalazayo, ahlazekile.
Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi
Ukuze uthole incazelo enembile yokuthi yikuphi ukuhlukunyezwa, kunzima ukuthola igama elifanele kakhulu kunodlame. Ukucindezela kumlingani kungabonakala kuzo zonke izigaba, kepha ukuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili kuyingozi kakhulu yengqondo. Lesi sigaba sobuhlobo bomuntu sidinga ukunambitheka okukhulu nokuqonda. Umhlukumezi akafuni ukucabangela izidingo nesimo somlingani, embona njengento yokwanelisa izifiso zakhe zobulili.
Emaphesenti angama-90%, indoda iyisihlukumezi ngokocansi. Uqondisa ukuziphatha kwakhe ngokuthi owesifazane kufanele agcwalise umthwalo wakhe womshado. Ngokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, owesifazane uhlangabezana nemiphumela efanayo nokudlwengulwa. Lolu hlobo lobudlova lungadlulela iminyaka, ngenxa yalokho owesifazane angase abe nokushaqeka kwengqondo njalo, abonakalise ukunganakwa ekuphileni, ukunganaki nokuthambekela kokuzibulala.
Ukuhlukunyezwa ebuhlotsheni - izimpawu
Ukuhlukunyezwa yibudlova, ngakho-ke kulula ukufunda lolu hlobo lobuhlobo. Ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo, izindlela ezihlukahlukene zingasetshenziswa, inhloso yalo ukuhlazisa nokuhlambalaza ubuntu bomlingani. Ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo buba nezici ezinjalo:
- Umhawu . Umlingani uzama ukulawula ukuxhumana komlingani wakhe, ikakhulu uma kuziwa ekukhulumisaneni nomuntu wobulili obuhlukile.
- Ukuphenywa . Umlingani udinga imibiko ejwayelekile mayelana nalokho okwakwenziwe yikwakho, lapho ayekhona futhi nini.
- Izinkolo . Ukuhlukumezeka okuhlukunyezwa komhlukumezi nganoma yisiphi isizathu kungenza umlingani abe nemicabango yokuzibulala, isimo esinobudlova noma ukucindezeleka.
- Izinkokhelo . Ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo, umlingani oyedwa uhlale enecala zonke izinkinga noma enecala lokuthi umhlukumezi kufanele ahambe ngendlela engafanele.
- Ububele . I-Abuser iyakhathazeka nganoma yisiphi isenzakalo, futhi isinyathelo sokubuyisana ngaso sonke isikhathi silindele kumlingani.
- Ukuzikhandla kwemizwa . Isimo sengqondo somhlukumezi singashintsha nganoma yisiphi isizathu, ngokuvamile ngokuqondisa kokubi nokuhlukumeza. Ngemuva kwemizwelo ephuthumayo, uyancipha ngokushesha, kuyilapho umlingani engase ahambe isikhathi eside ehlukumezeka ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba.
Izimpawu zesilisa ze-Abuzer
Ezingama-90% zamacala, abahlukumezi bangamadoda. Lokhu kubangelwa indima ebaluleke kakhulu yamadoda emakhulwini amaningi eminyaka kanye nokuba khona kwezinga eliphakeme le-hormone ye-testosterone ephethe ukuhlukunyezwa. U-Abuzera-umuntu angaziwa ngezibonakaliso ezinjalo:
- unezidingo ezihlukile yena kanye nomlingani wakhe: lokho angakuvumeli owesifazane, uzibheka njengesivumelekile;
- ngenkathi ingxabano isebenzisa ukwanda kwezwi, ukukhala;
- kubonisa ukuphakama kwakhe ngokomzimba, kusongela ubudlova;
- shiya yodwa endaweni engavamile;
- umangalela umlingani wokuqamba amanga, ubonisa akukho ukuzethemba emazwini akhe;
- uqondisa izingxoxo zocingo zomlingani, uhlola imiyalezo;
- i-abyuzer-man inomhawu nganoma yimuphi umuntu umlingani naye oxhumana naye. Kungcono ukukhulumisana, umhawu omkhulu.
Abuzer-owesifazane - izimpawu.
Ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo, indima engalungile ingadlala owesifazane. Njengoba ebuthakathaka kunomuntu ngokwenyama, umhlukumezi-wesifazane usebenzisa ezinye izindlela zokuhlazisa nokuhlukumeza umlingani. In arsenal yayo kunezindlela ezinjalo:
- ukwenqaba ukusondelana ngokomzimba, ukuhlekwa kwamakhono okwenza ucansi lomlingani;
- ukuhlukunyezwa kwaso wesifazane kuqondiswa ezintweni zomlingani, ukushaya izitsha, imishini, izinto zokuphanga;
- uhlola zonke izinyathelo zomlingani, uyilawula ngendlela yokuthi bonke abantu abakuzungezile bazi ngakho;
- Umhlangano ngamunye uqala ngokuphenywa lapho futhi obani;
- ukunganaki njalo nokuziphatha komlingani;
- kubuza imibuzo ikhono lomlingani, ugxeke umuntu.
Kungani kufanele abe abyuzeryami?
Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani umuntu eba umhlukumezi. Okuyinhloko yilokhu:
- emndenini wabazali kwakukhona ubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo;
- umhlukumezi wayehlukunyezwa ngokobulili noma ngokomzimba ebuntwaneni noma ebusheni;
- Ukuzihlonipha okuphansi kwe-abyuser, okuyinto engaqondi ngokuzama ukunyusa ngokuhlazisa omunye;
- ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo nezifo;
- izici zobuntu: ukubonakaliswa, ukuhlukumezeka, ukugunyaza umbuso, ukuhluleka ukuzilawula, ubugovu.
Indlela yokuziphatha nomhlukumezi?
Ukuhlukunyezwa ebuhlotsheni - lokhu kungenxa yokuthi kufanelekile ukuphula ubuhlobo bese uzama ukuqala impilo entsha. Umuntu oye waba umhlukumezi akakwazi ukushintsha ukuziphatha kwakhe ngaphandle kosizo lochwepheshe futhi ayeke ukuhlazisa umngane wakhe futhi abonise ukuhlukunyezwa. Uma lo mlingani ezama ukulungiswa kumenzi wobugebengu futhi angabangeli intukuthelo yakhe, ukuqhubeka nomhlukumezi uya. Lokhu kuhlukana kobudlelwane bomndeni kunzima kuwo wonke amalungu omndeni, ngakho indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphuma kweso simo ukuphula ubudlelwane obunjalo.
Ungakuyeka kanjani ukuba umhlukumezi?
Umuntu oye waba umhlukumezi, kunzima ukuzibamba ngokwakho. Ubheka ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe kuphoqelelwe, okubangelwa ukuziphatha okungalungile komlingani. Into yokuqala okudingeka yenziwe ukuyeka ukuba umhlukumezi ukuqaphela inkinga. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba, ngokocansi, noma ngokomzwelo kunemiphumela, okumele iqhube umhlukumezi kumqondo wokuthi wenza okuthile okungalungile. Kufanele aqonde ukuthi isizathu esiyinhloko sisekuye, hhayi kubantu abazungezile.
Ukuze basuse imikhuba yabo emibi, izazi ze-psychologists zincoma ukuthi loshazi ucabange ngemibuzo enjalo:
- Yiziphi izimo ezenza ukusabela okungalungile?
- Iyini isizathu esiyinhloko salokhu kuziphatha: ukuhlukunyezwa kwengane, ukuzethemba okuncane, inkinga yomuntu siqu, okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu?
- Yimiphi imiphumela yokuziphatha okuhlukumezayo?
- Ungasabela kanjani ngokuhlukile esimweni esiye savela?
Imiphumela ye-Abuza
U-Abuz unemiphumela elandelayo:
- ukwephulwa kobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu ;
- ukuwohloka kokungathembeki nokwabelana phakathi kwabantu;
- ukuchithwa kwabesifazane ngemuva kokuba i-Abyuza ibe yinto eqinisiwe futhi ihlobene nokungafuni komfazi ukuqhubeka nokuzama noma yini nokulahlekelwa inzalo ekuphileni;
- ukwehla kokuzihlonipha kanye nesimo esicindezelayo kumlingani oye waba ngaphansi kobudlova;
- ukunciphisa ubuhlobo obuncane noma ikhefu eliphelele.
Amabhuku mayelana nama-abyuzers
Ukuze uqonde kangcono isihloko sobudlova, kufanelekile ukufunda izincwadi ezinjalo mayelana ne-abyuz:
- I-Aud Dalsegg "Ku-Hook. Indlela yokuphula umjikelezo wobudlelwane obubi . " Le ncwadi ichaza ukuthi kungani abantu bebhekela ubudlova nokuthi bangakugwema kanjani noma yikuphi ithonya elihlukumezayo.
- Lundy Bancroft "Kungani enza lokhu?" . Ngendlela ethakazelisayo, umbhali usitshela ukuthi umuntu akufanele abekezelele ubudlelwane obuhlukumezayo bese uzama ukuzivumelanisa nabo.
- Inani likaNancy, uJames Grant "Embhedeni nesitha . " Lo mdwebo uchaza inkinga ebuhlotsheni obuhlukumezayo, lapho umlingisi oyinhloko ezama ukukhipha khona ubuhlungu bokufa.
Amafilimu mayelana ne-abyuzeryov
Amafilimu ngokuphathelene nokuhlukumeza ubudlelwane athakazelisayo ngokuthi abonisa lezi zihlobo ngezibonelo zokuphila. Amafilimu athandwayo kakhulu:
- "Nkosi yami . " Ngemuva kokulimala, umlingisi oyinhloko ucabanga ukuthi ubuhlobo bakhe obuphilile nomlingani bebuphi.
- "Umfazi waseStalin . " Esikhathini sefilimu, esakhiwe ezenzakalweni zomlando, kuthiwa ngo-abyuzere obeka izifiso zakhe phakathi kobudlelwano.
- "Maleficent" . Kule filimu, ngefomu le-fairy, i-abyuse ichazwa ngokuphathelene ne-heroine esemqoka, imizwa yakhe nemizwelo emva kwakhe, kanye nokuzama ukuphuma enkingeni yengqondo.