Akuwona wonke umuntu owazi ukuthi inkinga eneminyaka ephakathi nendawo iyenzeka nakwabesifazane, thina ngandlela-thile sisetshenziselwa ukusebenzisa leli gama kubamele abesigamu esiphezulu sabantu. Mhlawumbe lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abesifazane basendulo babengaphansi kokuzimela, futhi namuhla banenkinga enkulu yokucindezeleka kwengqondo. Noma mhlawumbe ngoba eminyakeni yamuva nje abesifazane sebeqale ukukhuluma ngezinkinga zabo. Kodwa noma kunjalo, inkinga yenkinga yabesifazane besigaba esiphakathi ikhona futhi kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungasinda kanjani.
Izimpawu zenkinga yobudala obuphakathi kwabesifazane
Ngaphambi kokuxoxa ngendlela yokunqoba inkinga yobudala obuphakathi, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kubonakala kanjani nokuthi lapho kufika khona kulindeleke.
Izimpawu ezisemqoka zenkinga yokuphila phakathi kwabesifazane yizi:
- ukulahlekelwa kwesithakazelo emsebenzini nasemisebenzini yokuzilibazisa;
- imicabango engajabuli ngekusasa;
- funa incazelo yempilo;
- ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi isikhathi eside;
- ukuhlaziywa kobudlelwane nezihlobo nabangane, kaningi ngeseluleko esibi;
- isimo esidabukisayo jikelele, ukucindezeleka.
Lapho kunenkinga yokuphila phakathi kwabesifazane kunzima ukusho, ngokuvamile kuvela eminyakeni engama-35 kuya kwengu-50, kodwa kungathatha owesifazane osemusha, kwenzeke kamuva ekuphileni, futhi kwenzeke ukuthi abesifazane abakuboni ngalesi sikhathi. Ngakho-ke, impendulo eqondile ayikwazi ukunikezwa embuzweni wokuthi ingcindezi yesikhathi eside ihlala nini. Konke kuncike kulowo wesifazane uqobo, kumlingisi wakhe kanye nesimo sakhe empilweni. Omunye uzothola indlela yokuphuma kwenkinga ngaphandle kokuyeka ukuthi ikhule ibe yinkinga enkulu, kanti omunye uzokwazi ukusiza kuphela ochwepheshe abanekhono.
Izimbangela zenkinga yobudala obuphakathi kwabesifazane
Ngokwezibalo zengqondo, ukugwema inkinga yobudala obuphakathi ngeke kuphumelele, ngoba kuyimvelo yemvelo ukuthi umuntu ashintshe kusuka kwesinye isimo ukuya kwesinye. Kodwa kukhona abesifazane abangasho ukuthi banenkinga lapho. Iyini inkinga, ingabe abadlali abahle noma kukhona amaqembu abantu ababhekana nalesi sikhathi kalula? Zombili izinketho zingenzeka, kodwa izingqondo ze-psychoanalyst zikhomba amaqembu abesifazane abakhululeke kakhulu enkingeni enkulu yale nkinga.
- abesifazane abangenamntwana;
- Amantombazane adinga kakhulu futhi azihlambalaza;
- abesifazane abasinda ekufeni komyeni noma izingane;
- abesifazane abangashadile;
- abesifazane, sekwephuzile bashiya ukunakekelwa kwabazali ngakho-ke babengenaso isikhathi sokubona amanye amaphupho abo.
Indlela yokunqoba inkinga yobudala obuphakathi?
Abesifazane abaningi bazizwa belahlekile, bengenasisekelo kunoma ubani ngoba nje abazi ukuthi bangaphila kanjani inkinga yobudala obuphakathi. Bacabanga ukuthi lesi simo asivamile, bazama ukuwayeka masinyane, kuthatha isikhathi ngokuzijabulisa ezingenalutho ezingaletha umphumela oyifunayo. Futhi abakwazi ukukuletha, ngoba le nkinga idinga ukuba nakho, yisikhathi somsebenzi wangaphakathi, ukuhlaziywa kabusha kwamagugu, ukucinga umuzwa omusha wendawo yabo empilweni.
Inkinga ayibi, manje yisikhathi sokucabanga. Kuze kube yilolu phuzu, uye waba khona endaweni esheshayo-ukuqeda isikole, eyunivesithi, ukwakha umsebenzi, ukushada, nokuba nezingane. Futhi manje sekufikile, konke okumele kwenziwe, umgomo empilweni ulahlekile, ngakho ukunganakwa, ukungathandi ukwenza noma yini. Ngezinye izikhathi udinga nje ukucabangela ingqondo yakho, uthathe iholide bese uya endaweni ethule,
Kodwa uma ubhekene nenkinga yobudala obuphakathi isikhathi eside futhi ungaqondi nhlobo ukuthi ukwenze ngani - noma ukuphumula, noma ukusekelwa kwezihlobo nabangane akusizi, kuyakudingeka ukuxhumana nodokotela. Uma kungenjalo, kuzodingeka sicabange ukuthi singabhekana kanjani nenkinga yobudala obuphakathi, kodwa futhi nokucindezeleka isikhathi eside kanye nokuphazamiseka kwemizwa, futhi lokhu kuyadala futhi kubiza kakhulu.